Changing Daydream
Hi. Chen. Former Kurischenity. DevCom. UPLB.
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i wake up to a sound of a heavy breathing one day, my face flashed with the sun rays of the morning light. on the side of the bed is a man of my age—but we’re a little older now, or old enough to be one. breathing heavily and asleep, his hair brushing to my flesh, arms embracing my hips; he shivers to the coldness of the morning. i tucked him inner so the sheet could wholly cover him—nothing new to a sheet giving both of us a shelter for the beginning day. still half-asleep, i tried to pull away from his embrace, got up from the bed, and now seated; rubbed my eyes and took a good look of the room: it was the same as yesterday, only a little messier—we keep our clothes folded and hung together in the same white closet facing the bed, and beside it is a little dresser where we undress from ourselves all that are important—the branded keys, the jewels necessary to wear for the previous night’s event, his tie, my gloves, and all the white embroideries. as i looked at my reflection in the mirror of the dresser, i saw my yesterday’s make up faded and washed up. i touched my cheeks, and scrutinized the way i curved my smile and thought, ‘people really look good when happiness is genuine and at hand,’ and as i gazed at my face again, i thought, ‘i might be needing a little cleaning,’ so i tried to get up and stretched my hands away, but the hands of the man i slept with last night pulled me closer, inviting me to another slumber. 

he said, with his voice still husky, ‘we need to spend a little more time together.’ 

snuggled, i replied, ‘honey, all the wait is over.’ 

and as the curtains send a little more light of the sun, i held my left hand up high and looked at the little shiny ring that has only been worn yesterday. there is no hiding it—i am going to spend all the rest of my days with this man, and i am happy that finally, for once, i made a decision for myself and it has felt so wonderfully right. with that in mind, i pulled myself closer and closed my eyes. if only for a day, i could be this serene. 

(Source: verlustragen)

"Was it easy?"


"Giving up on me. Breaking up with me. Leaving me." She said.

Sharing the same bed, he hugged her, her face on his neck.


"You said you will never leave me, but you left. You said you’ll never get tired of me, but you find me uninteresting now. And I don’t excite you the way I do before."


"Was it easy watching me break into pieces?"


Tears started falling from her eyes.

"Please tell me. You said you love me but you let me go just like that. Was it really easy for you?"

He hugged her tight, neck filled with her tears.


Tears flowed continuously from her eyes till they both fell asleep.

That night, she knew, he was there.

He was in love with her. 

He was.


Love the person who would love you when you are most unloveable. The one who would love you against all odds, despite of all of your flaws and complexities. The one who would face the monsters screaming inside of you despite of how breaking it could be. The person who would cook you good food, bring you to good places, and introduce you to the many goodness in life. Love the one who would wait for you. The one who would grow up, not old, with you because no moments would pass whenever both of you are together. The one that would sleep with you even without sex, even with just warm cuddles and kisses. The one who would never look at you differently after seeing the scars on your skin, the deformations, the mutations, the imperfections of your body. The one who would kiss you good morning and good night. The one who would pull you closer when you fear or tremble. The one who would surprise you with many things. The one who would be proud of you. The one who would drink with you, smoke with you, get fucked up with you but only with you to be able to take care of you afterwards. The one who appreciates you. The one who taught you that home is whenever the two of you are together. Love the one who would make you stop counting because there would be, and will be, many more to come, and to count. That is why I love you.

(Source: jakepullsthetrigger, via verlustragen)

Nagsimula tayo sa isang pag-uusap. Isang pag-uusap na pumukaw sa isang parte ng aking katawan. Isang parte na patuloy na dinadaluyan ng dugo. Isang parte na patuloy na tumitibok. Isang parte na hindi ko pa alam noon kung anong halaga. Isang parte na sa pagkakatanto ko, sa oras lang na yun tumibok ng mabilis. Naaalala ko ang bawat pangyayari, ang imahe ng iyong muka na tuluyang tumunaw sa aking pagkatao. Naaaninag ko pa ang araw na unti-unting dumadampi sa labi mong kay sarap hagkan. Nararamdaman ko pa ang pagsabog mula sa aking dibdib na unti-unting pinupunit ng masamang nakaraan.  Matamis ang bawat pangyayari ngunit paanong humantong tayong dalawa sa ganito? Masyadong mapait. Hindi ko na kayang tikman pa. Minahal kita, ngunit hindi sapat ang pagmamahal na iyon upang manatili ka.

(Source: ficklereverie)

Every second
Every minute
Every hour
Every day.

Every week
Every month
Every year
Every decade.

Every century
Every Era
Every period of time
Everything, anything, something, I got nothing.

(Source: ficklereverie)

do not fall in love with me, i will tear you into too many beautiful scattered pieces and you’ll no longer remember who you were and what you’ve been before you met me. you will never remember a part of you that doesn’t have to do anything with me. every part of you consumed my poison, and all there is that will exist in your heart and mind is me, and my love that i lost and took away from you. you will lose yourself. you will breathe my name.

(Source: verlustragen, via jempsy-deactivated20140212)

"You’re an alien. You’re a monster. You’re an extraterrestrial creature from other galaxy far from Earth." She said.

"Well, you’re scary. You may not be an alien or a monster but you’re the creepiest creature ever created!" I replied.

She looked at me with her eyes burning; Uh-oh! I bet she’s mad. We’ve been fighting here just because of a friend. She’s jealous of Allie, my best friend. I don’t know why. I don’t even like Allie romantically. I’ve been telling that to Sam but she insists not to believe me. I love Samantha, my girlfriend, the one I’m fighting with at this moment. By the way, I’m Chris.

"Oh really? I hate you, Christopher!" She uttered. She uses my whole name when she’s mad.

"I hate you, too, ugly lady!" Okay. I’m being mean again.

"Do you really hate me? She asked.

"No. It’s just that, I’m tired with all of these. I’m tired of fighting with you just because of Allie. Sam, Allie’s just my best friend. You’re the one I love, why can’t you believe that? It hurts whenever I think that you don’t trust me. Don’t you trust me, Sam? Please, let’s stop this. All of the times we spent for fighting could have been spent being happy together. Please Sam, I love you."

"I trust you, Chris. But I’m afraid you might like your best friend. She’s pretty, kind and smart. And you have been best friends for a long time." She told me.

"Sam, I love you. I won’t cheat on you and I won’t do such thing. I’m satisfied with what I have, with what we have."

I held her hands, smiled and hugged her tight. I missed moments when we’re just having fun, doing silly things together, hugging, kissing, holding each others hands. I missed her. I missed us.

"I’m sorry." She said as she sobbed.

"It’s okay, my Queen. Don’t cry, I’m here and I’ll always be here. I love you."

"I love you, too."

She removed her head on my shoulder and asked, “Wait, am I really ugly?”

"No, my Queen. You are the most beautiful woman in the entire world, universe, galaxy!"

She smiled. I placed my hands on her hips, looked at her eyes deeply, smiled. And without second thoughts, I kissed her.

(Source: ficklereverie)

People keep on saying na mahirap daw kapag LDR. Mahirap agad eh 1 or 2 months palang naman. Mygod. Kung ngayon nahihirapan na kayo, paano pa kaya pag dumating yung time na napagod na kayo sa set up na meron kayo, break agad? Lagi kasing iniisip yung negative side. Kung nahihirapan ngayon, hindi nyo na kakayanin yung mas malalang pwedeng dumating sa relationship nyo in the future. Mahirap man yan o hindi, basta mahal nyo isa’t isa, napapadali lahat ng bagay. It’s all about waiting. You should learn how to wait for the time when you could spend the rest of your lives together. Just saying.

5 notes
Tagged as: thoughts,

I was half a year old when my dad left me. I was with my mother, crying out loud. She carried me with her tears continuously flowing from her eyes. I was so innocent back then, all I feel is that I’m safe with her, with my mom.

I was two when my stepfather started hurting me, he would pat my arms, shoulders and body whenever I did something wrong. He would pull me to the bathroom and lock me inside. I was there, crying the whole time, asking for help.

I was five when I started working, I would get sampaguita flowers and sell it to the mad streets of Quezon City. People buy my flowers not because they need one, but because they think I’m too young to work. Some pitied me, some hated. Sometimes, rich people would buy all of my flowers and give some extra money for food. But most of the times, people would push me away along the sides of the buildings.

I was nine when my stepfather started putting me inside of a sack, he would tie me on a tree, continuously beating me using his leather belt. He would hang me there the whole night and I would cry a river over my stay there. The next day, I would find myself filled with bruises, scars and fresh wounds.

I was twelve when my stepfather started using my body, he would chase me, tie my hands and continue to penetrate my soul. I was so afraid whenever he would touch any part of my body. My mother can’t do anything about it, she’s afraid of him. Sometimes, my stepfather would send me to night clubs and sell my flesh to earn money. I never wanted to do that, but I have to.

I was fifteen when I got pregnant. I never expected that to happen. I still continue working though I bear a child inside my womb. I would sell different things on sides of the market; sitting on the ground. I delivered my child nine months after, but I’d have to give her away; she needs someone who can watch her grow and support her daily needs. 

I was seventeen. Alone. Broke, Unsuccessful. I never had a happy and complete family, never given the chance to do what I wanted, never loved, never felt being loved, never experienced happiness, never had a fruitful life. Tired and worthless, I died…

(Source: ficklereverie)

You were there,
but you didn’t
notice me.
You were there,
but you didn’t
see me.

I was there and
all I notice
is you.
I was there and
I always
see you.

(Source: ficklereverie)



15 notes
Tagged as: vanity,

Anonymous Asked:
Suggest some books?

My answer:

OMG! Thanks for asking! These are my favorite books:

  • Para Kay B
  • Dead is.. Book series
  • Dragon’s Bait
  • The Mortal Instruments Series
  • Finish This Book
  • All Alone In The Universe

And these are some books that caught my attention, I’ll buy them after finishing the book I’m currently reading:

  • Between The Lines
  • My Life As A Book
  • Dork Diaries Series
  • Shawnie
  • White Is For Witching
  • Benny And Shrimp
  • Sexual Healing


Effort ang binuhos mo,
Pero nabalewala.
Effort na hinahanap
ng maraming
Effort na kulang 
nalang ay tilian
ng mga kababaihan.
Effort na
sa isang relasyon.
Effort na binibigay
sa mahahalagang tao.
Effort na mahirap
ibigay sa kahit na
sinong tao.
Effort na nagpapaikot
sa mundo ng
Effort yun, tangina-

All I’m trying to say is that,
I love you and I care for you.
I don’t care about what other people say,
and I won’t care, anyway.
I’m here and I’ll always be here for you.
Call me stupid
but I’m not gonna stop giving you all of my love,
I’m not giving up, I’m not leaving.
I’m offering you my life, my mind, my soul,
let all of me fit broken pieces of yours.
I’m never gonna give you up.
Not again. 


"Are you?"

"I don’t know."

"So, you’re saying sorry just to be free of feeling guilty?"

"No. I just thought it would make you feel better."

"Congratulations! It did not!"

"Well, I guess, I’m wrong."


"I’m wrong. Okay with that?"


"I love you."

"Praise me."

"I’m really sorry, beautiful. I didn’t mean to do that."

"Do what?"

"Forget to feed your pet."


"I promise, I won’t forget about it again. Can I now kiss you?"

"You can but you may not."

"What does that even mean?"

"Your statement is wrong."

"Then, what is the right thing to say?"

"It’s ‘May I now kiss you?’, ugly!"

"Okay. May I now kiss you, stunning lady?"

"Hmmm." Let me think about it."


"Hahaha! Kidding. Yes, you may."

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